Birmingham Welcomes The World

by Jay Coulter on Jun 25, 2008 4:00 AM CDT in News

The crown jewel of the Birmingham Olympic movement.

By Jay Coulter
jccoulter@gmail.com

I had every intention of leading today with the arrest of Alabama linebacker Jimmy Johns. But these things have gotten so old hat lately. Does a month go by now that an Alabama player is not arrested for something? Tuscaloosa and Compton grow more and more similar by the day.

This story is much more entertaining. The first time I read about it, I honestly thought it was a joke, maybe something appearing on The Onion. By now you've probably heard, Birmingham is going after the 2020 Summer Olympics. Yeah, those Olympics - as in NBC Sports, Bob Costas and athletes competing in real sports arenas.

In what has to amount to political suicide, Birmingham Mayor Larry Langford said the city would aggressively go after the games. OK, I can't write this without laughing my ass off. Is this guy serious?

Speaking to the Birmingham City Council, Langford produced a 257-page manual that details how to apply for the games and possible venues to hold the events. Here's the kicker: the application fee is $500,000. Do you realize that Alabama could recruit two Albert Means caliber players for that kind of money?

Here's the quote of the day: "We're the only ones who have difficulty recognizing our own potential," the mayor said.

Larry, I've got to level with you. There's nobody on earth that sees that kind of potential in Birmingham. Hosting the Papa John's Bowl in front of 25,000 fans is hardly a precursor for landing the Olympic Games. Make it stop.

Can you see the world converge on refurbished Legion Field? I can just picture IOC Chairman Jacques Rogge standing outside the Tide-Tiger with a Pabst Blue Ribbon in one hand and a Swisher Sweet in the other.

Picture driving toward the stadium and seeing neighborhood parking attendants decked out with colorful shirts, each representing a foreign country. "Park here, 20 dollars or 25 Euros. You can piss in our bushes for free with paid parking."

Once the Opening Ceremonies start, you'll hear Bear Bryant's booming voice say, "I ain't nothin but a winner." The rednecks, which won't have tickets, will go crazy outside the stadium and begin firing their shotguns. Sweet Home Alabama will be heard on cassettes all around Legion Field.

To cap things off, Paul Bryant Jr. will take the Olympic torch handoff from Kenny Stabler, who for some reason is not too sure-footed tonight, and will light the Olympic cauldron that is shaped like a houndstooth hat.

Meanwhile, former five-star Alabama football recruits will sell crack and crystal meth out of their trunks to our visitors from around the world.

Let the games begin.

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Dumbest Idea EVER!!!

I’m sorry but Atlanta could bearly handle the flux of visitors during the 1996 Olympics. Visitors were staying in Chattanooga, Huntsville, Montgomery, and Birmingham because there was no better option in Atlanta. Birmingham needs to come to terms with the fact that it is not a major city. Piece of advise… baby steps…

by bedeksw on Jun 25, 2008 9:35 AM CDT 0 recs

Wouldn't go to legion field if you paid me

last time i went was for a US mens soccer qualifier. they sat everyone on the same side of the stadium so it would look better on tv. More importantly though, me and a buddy came extremely close to getting the crap kicked out of us and mugged by some of the “parking attendants” from the government sponsored neighborhood. Saved at the last minute by a cop on horseback. Never been so happy to see a cop.

WORST IDEA EVER, b’ham mayor is a jacka** who has no business in the position he is in

by GumptownTiger on Jun 25, 2008 10:17 AM CDT 0 recs

There's talk of condemning...

.....Legion Field, again. Evidently, concrete chunks are occasionally falling in the concourses. Take your pick, get beaned in the stadium, or shot in the surrounding neighborhood. The County is teetering on the edge of bankruptcy over skyrocketing interest rates on sewer bonds, and the powers that be in the city are still talking about building the Domed Stadium that the voters voted down twice! Luckily, they’ll never be able to sell the bond issue needed to finance it. Jeffco bonds are pretty much all junk-rated, these days.

.....RIght now, they’re focused on a massive PR campaign to re-name the Birmingham “International” Airport after Fred Shuttlesworth. Why spend the money, on one of the few city services that kinda-sorta still works?

by Acid Reign on Jun 25, 2008 4:26 PM CDT 0 recs

I think it will take a lot longer

..before Birmingham lives down it’s shameful past during the Civil Rights movement during the 1960s—like a 100 years. And like it was mentioned above, they have to take baby steps to move towards becoming a major city.

BTW, it wasn’t that bad here in ATL during the Olympics. Believe it or not, it was the best raffic we’ve ever had. Everyone heeded the warnings and didn’t drive.

by War Eagle Atlanta on Jun 25, 2008 9:07 PM CDT 0 recs

If I didn't know better, I would've thought this post was for April Fools...

...but then I realize that a joke requires a punchline, and the only thing funny about this is Mayor Langford and his croons are seriously considering this. Birmingham has as much chance of hosting the Olympics as Beijing has in actually cleaning the toxic Chinese air enough to breathe without a mask. Honestly, how ignorant do you have to be to think that Bham is in the same league as London, New York, Barcelona or even Atlanta? With all the problems the city is going through, something like this could technically be considered piling on. It’s really like watching a train wreck, and Langford’s the conductor. Hop on board!!

by crashmattb on Jun 25, 2008 10:16 PM CDT 0 recs