By Jay Coulter
jccoulter@gmail.com

There's little arguing that today's crop of SEC coaches are perhaps the best in the history of the conference. Nine of the 12 coaches have won a conference championship at least once in their careers. Five have won national championships and Tommy Tuberville was screwed out of one in 2004.

But with all the success, there's still something missing from today's SEC coaches. I haven't been able to pinpoint it until now. MaconDawg over at Dawgsports.com picked up on it this week and wrote about it. That's when it hit me.

Head coaches don't dress like real coaches anymore.

One of the things I liked most about Pat Dye when I was growing up in the 80's was the way he carried himself (when his pants were on and not at the bottom of Lake Martin).  Every Saturday in the fall he wore a blue blazer, orange and blue tie, khaki pants and an Auburn hat. He looked like a head coach. He looked like the boss.  His demeanor demanded respect from the players and other coaches.

Going the way of corporate America, college coaches have moved to a more casual look. Most head coaches wear the same thing as their assistants. At best they wear a nice school-branded shirt and slacks; and at worst they look like Charlie Weiss of Notre Dame. Note to Charlie: fat guys should never wear oversized sweatshirts. We still know you are fat.

You only need to go back 20 years to see an entirely different era in coaching. I can still picture Vince Dooley in that sweater with a tie underneath. I can see Johnny Majors of Tennessee on the sidelines with a coat and tie. And yes, even Bear Bryant wore a tie, although most of the time it only fell half way down his shirt.

Now before you start thinking I'm one of those fruity designers on the E! Channel, I'm not suggesting that putting on a coat and tie makes you a better coach. But it sure does make you look smarter. Watching Steve Spurrier throw his girly visor down on the ground after a bad call hardly invokes memories of  Neyland or Dodd.

I guess what I'm ranting about today is that coaches should dress like coaches. Leaders wear coats and ties. They don't wear knit shirts and visors. I know it's hot as hell in September. But these guys should be used to it.  Practice in a coat and tie if it helps the body adjust and eliminate flop sweat on game day. Show some pride in the outfit. Show you care like a Marine.

The SEC coaches today may make more money, stay in better shape and look more tan, but give me old school. Just once I'd like to see Tommy throw on a blue blazer and a tie for a game. Sadly, I can't picture it. I guess those days are gone forever and I'm just getting old.

How did Coach Dye lose his pants?  Read below...

By Jay Coulter
jccoulter@gmail.com

Has any school ever locked up next year's recruiting class prior to the start of fall camp? Auburn is seven commitments away from doing just that.  On Monday, Auburn added its 18^th commitment of the year when it received word that Parkview (Ga.) High School running back Brandon Jacobs was headed to the Plains in 2009.

From all indications, Jacobs is a good one.  The three-star back missed two games last year due to injury, but still managed to rush for 950 yards and eight touchdowns.  Jacobs ran a 4.5 40-yard dash earlier this spring. He hails from the same high school as current starting Auburn tailback Brad Lester.  He is the nephew of former Auburn and NFL lineman Steve Wallace.

Having 18 commitments is a long ways from having 18 players signed.  Still, you have to be impressed with how the Auburn coaching staff has responded to the challenge laid down by Alabama in recruiting.  Give a lot of the credit to Auburn linebackers coach James Willis. He's turning into a star within the coaching profession. Willis has taken back much of the Mobile area that was lost last year.  Don't be surprised to see Auburn sign upwards of 30 players before National Signing Day in February.

I came across a great story last week while in Florida.  Perhaps you saw it.  Shannon McDuffie, who lives in the Emerald Shores area near Still Waters was looking around the nearly drained lake last December when she discovered something out of the ordinary.  It was a pair of Madress pants sitting at the bottom of the lake.

Examining the pants, she found an alligator leather wallet inside, complete with credit cards and other information that dated back to the mid 80's. There was also a set of Toyota car keys in the pocket. 

Who did they belong to?  Patrick Fain Dye.

At this point you've probably already drawn a lot of conclusions about this story.  After all, it has been rumored that Coach Dye was as colorful off the field as he was on it.  According to Dye, he has no recollection of losing his pants (no pun intended) or his wallet and car keys.

Now 25+ years is a long time.  But I do believe that if I ever lost my pants, wallet and car keys - assumingly at the same time, I would remember it - even 25 years later. "Well, I had a place in Still Waters in the early 80s," said Dye. "I don't remember losing it, but now listen, that was a long time ago," he said in a telephone interview with Lake Martin Magazine.

The legend of Pat Dye grows.  I love that man.

By War Eagle Atlanta
glg68@aol.com

Faithful readers of this blog will notice that a lot of what this article contains has been stated by me in the past. That's because I thought it as being so well-written that I could regurgitate it once again in order to preempt any more lame threads from popping up like weeds in the parched earth here in the CFB dry season. The bee in my bonnet about national championships came last spring when Washington tried to slip one through the back door 47 years after the fact. 

Since then, I've quit wearing bonnets and have educated myself on the history of the national championship. I now feel qualified to be the final arbiter of which teams' national championship claims are legit, and which are as bogus as a Jeff Spicoli quip.

Here are the qualifications that I will use:

1) Only current Divison 1-A (FBS) teams with three or more MNCs will be considered.

2) Only AP championships (1934, 1936-present) UP championships (1935, 1950-1957) UPI championships (1958-1995) USA Today/ESPN championships (1997-present) and BCS championships (1998-present) are counted. However, prior to 1950, before the AP and UP polls ran concurrently, I will accept a preponderance of the other selectors. In other words, if your team claims MNCs from selectors not listed here, they are illegitimate. If none of this makes sense, just read on and complain about it later.

3) No back-dated titles will be considered. Using the definitions in (2) above, that means no MNCs before 1934. If you still don't know what a back-dated title is, sign up for my remedial newsletter at my link below.

I, Richard Dawson, and the Survey says!!!

Notre Dame, 12 NCs claimed: 1924, 1929, 1930, 1943, 1946, 1947, 1949, 1953, 1966, 1973, 1977, 1988. First three titles back-dated, 1953 illegitimate. Real total: 8 titles. Talk about winning one for the Gipper, they won three BEFORE the Gipper--and before national championships ever existed. One third of your titles bogus--pretty shabby.

Alabama, 12 NCs claimed: 1925, 1926, 1930, 1934, 1941, 1961, 1964, 1965, 1973, 1978, 1979, 1992. First 3 titles back-dated, 1934 and 1941 titles illegitimate. Real total, 7 titles. Bama is famous for throwing everything that sticks into the trophy cabinet. If you want a more detailed analysis of the Tide, read this.

USC, 10 NCs claimed: 1928, 1931, 1932, 1962, 1967, 1972, 1974, 1978, 2003, 2004. First 3 titles back-dated, all the rest legitimate. Real total, 7 titles. Not bad, other than the back-dated ones. Let's see: 60s and 70s, got that covered; 21st century--check. Hey, what happened to the 80s and 90s???

Michigan, 7 NCs claimed: 1901, 1902, 1923, 1933, 1947, 1948, 1997. First 4 titles back-dated, the rest legitimate. Real total: 3 titles. Oh, snap! Don't worry, Go Blue. Batting .429 in the major leagues earns you bazillions a year...

Oklahoma, 7 NCs claimed: 1950, 1955, 1956, 1974, 1975, 1985, 2000. All legitimate! Real total: 7 titles. The first perfectly honest team. Naturally, OU owes Texas for all this glory--not!

Minnesota, 6 NCs claimed: 1934, 1935, 1936, 1940, 1941, 1960 All legit! Real total: 6 titles. But what are you guys thinking about doing for the next half of the 20th century???

Pittsburgh, 6 NCs claimed: 1910, 1916, 1918, 1936, 1937, 1976. First 3 titles back-dated, 1936 illegitimate, other 2 fine. Real total: 2 titles. Only 33% of your claimed titles for real? We haven't seen this kind of illegitimacy outside of the Mugabe administration...

Miami, 5 NCs claimed: 1983, 1987, 1989, 1991, 2001. All legit. Real total: 5 titles. Still can't figure out how you got the nod in 1983 over a far superior Auburn team...

Nebraska: 5 NCs claimed, 1970, 1971, 1994, 1995, 1997. All legit. Real total: 5 titles. Solid! Can't figure out why they can't duplicate this kind of success in the other corn-producing states...

Ohio State, 5 NCs claimed: 1942, 1954, 1957, 1968, 2002. All legit. Real total: 5 titles. Best in the Big 10(11). Best ever: Woody or The Vest?

Army: 4 NCs claimed, 1914, 1944, 1945, 1946. First is back-dated, the rest legit. Real total: 3 titles. Gee, if we could only have another World War to drain the nation's manpower again...

GA Tech: 4 NCs claimed, 1917, 1928, 1952, 1990. First 3 titles back-dated, 1990 legit. Real total: 1 title. "I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech and a helluva embellisher..."

Illinois: 4 NCs claimed, 1914, 1919, 1923, 1927. All back-dated! Oh come on! Are you kidding me? Real toal: ZIP!!! However, as luck would have it, the Zook era has arrived.

Tennessee: 4 NCs claimed, 1938, 1950, 1951, 1998. 1938 and 1950 illegitimate, the rest legit. Real total: 2 titles. The SEC's historic 2nd best team follows the SEC's historic best team, Alabama--in title embellishment.

Texas: 4 NCs claimed, 1963, 1969, 1970, 2005, all legit! Real total: 4 titles. Thanks Daryl Royal. Still wondering why they're so woefully behind Oklahoma in this category...

California: 3 NCs claimed, 1920, 1921, 1922. All back-dated! What?? Real total: ZERO titles. See admonishment to Illinois...

Michigan State: 3 NCs claimed, 1952, 1965, 1966. 1966 is illegitimate, although you probably got hosed! Real total: 2 titles. Not bad--only one behind your Ann Arbor cousins...

There you have it. Now let me have it. War Eagle Atlanta will now take your stinging rebukes...

Will Houston Nutt cause problems for Auburn again this year?

By Acid Reign
paraswarm@aol.com

     After a titanic Thursday night battle in West Virginia, the Auburn Tigers take another weekend off, then travel to Oxford, Mississippi, to play the Ole Miss Rebels on November 1. Ole Miss was the doormat of the SEC Western Division, last season, but figures to be much improved this year. Two players who may be major factors in this game, are former Auburn players: running back Enrique Davis, and linebacker Patrick Trahan. I suspect they'll have little problem getting fired up for this game.

     At the end of last season, the Ole Miss coaching staff was fired. In the meantime, Arkansas head coach Houston Nutt was in the process of haggling out a generous severance package from the Razorbacks. Just hours after Nutt's resignation became official, he was named the new head coach at Ole Miss, a coup for the Rebels. The Arkansas administration was left with a face-full of very expensive egg!

     Nutt brings in the bulk of an experienced coaching staff from his previous gig, including defensive line coach Tracy Rocker, a former Auburn superstar. Veteran coordinator Tyrone Nix will handle the defense. Nix has extensive experience coordinating the defense at Southern Miss, and was an assistant under Steve Spurrier at South Carolina. Houston Nutt brings a former Ole Miss hero and quarterback home to run the offense, Kent Austin. Austin's recent pedigree is all in Canada, running potent offenses at Toronto, then as head coach of the Saskatchewan Rough Riders, who won the CFL title, last season. Austin is the reigning CFL Coach of the Year.

     Despite this being a road game, the schedule favors the Tigers. Vaught Hemingway Stadium is not as intimidating as say, Tiger Stadium or Florida Field. Auburn will have had a long week before the West Virginia game, and a weekend off before the Ole Miss game. Hopefully, that will translate into fresher legs. Meanwhile, Ole Miss will be coming off a brutal October: Florida in Gainesville, South Carolina for homecoming, a week off, then Alabama in Tuscaloosa and Arkansas in Fayetteville.

     While former head coach Ed Orgeron battled discipline issues and image problems, he did not leave the Rebel cupboard bare. Ole Miss returns a surprising amount of talent. Will Houston Nutt be able to translate that into instant success? For much of Nutt's career at Arkansas, he was known as the coach who "did more with less." In later years, despite having talents like Matt Jones, Darren McFadden, and Felix Jones, Nutt failed to win an SEC title or bowl game, and became known to Razorback fans as the coach who "did less with more." Regardless of how one views that argument, there's little doubt that fundamentals and discipline will be greatly upgraded, this fall, for the Rebels.

     Ole Miss is a veteran football team that returns 16 starters and both kicking specialists. The Rebels were actually a respectable defense last season, but they got little help from the offense. A stout, talented defensive line returns, which is now likely to get a tremendous boost when long-time academic problem-child Jerell Powe finally gets eligible. Powe will be very green, but he's an absolute monster, physically. He's 340+ pounds of pure muscle and aggression. Add in sometimes superstar All-SEC end Greg Hardy, and ALL SEC tackle Peria Jerry, and this is a line that will cause LOTS of problems for any offense. Houston Nutt is very concerned about his linebackers and secondary, and has moved two offensive players to start at cornerback. Former Auburn linebacker Patrick Trahan could provide a much needed boost, if he does in fact become academically eligible.

Continue reading this post »

By Jay Coulter
jccoulter@gmail.com

This is turning out to be media week at Track'em Tigers. On Monday we talked blogs and on Tuesday we looked at television. Why not talk about radio today?

Yesterday the University announced that Auburn is switching satellite providers.  Beginning this football season, the Tigers will now be heard on XM Radio.

For the past few years, Auburn has been a fixture on Sirius Satellite Radio.  It appeared that Auburn would remain there for at least two more years despite the move of eight other SEC members last year to XM.

Auburn joins Alabama, Florida and Vanderbilt who also jumped ship to XM on Tuesday. The satellite provider now holds the contract for the entire conference.  This is huge for Auburn listeners. XM will carry all 12 of Auburn's regular season football games in addition to most of the men's basketball games and selected baseball and women's basketball.

The best thing about the move is that all SEC members will be in one place.  Of course, if you are a Sirius subscriber this is not necessarily good.  But it might not be all that bad either.  The two satellite providers have plans to merge later this year and are getting past the final hurdles now in Washington D.C.

So even if you subscribe to Sirius you're probably going to be OK.  The only downside is that it's looking doubtful the merger will happen before the start of football season.  XM has also added the Tim Brando show back to its lineup airing daily from 11:00-noon CT. Brando is one of the few national talk show hosts who focuses on college athletics, especially college football.  Check out his show if you have XM.  It's excellent.

Later this year, we'll begin publishing a monthly E-Newsletter on Auburn football. Talkin' Tigers will go in-depth and talk to the people making news at Auburn. The stories will be more feature oriented and longer in length. We believe it will be an excellent compliment to the coverage here at Track'em Tigers. We hope you'll subscribe. It's free of charge.

Please enter your email address in the box below.  I promise your information will never be sold or shared with anyone.  I hate spam and can guarantee it will never be given away.  Sign up today and tell your Auburn friends.  Thanks again for being a part of the Track'em Tigers family.  War Eagle!

Subscribe to Talkin' Tigers Email:

Could you handle a channel dedicated to the best of Dave Neil?

By Jay Coulter
jccoulter@gmail.com

If we build it will they come?  That's the question SEC officials are struggling with as they enter the final year of television contracts with CBS, ESPN and Raycom Sports.  Conference schools can expect a huge raise next year when a new contract is agreed upon. The big question is whether the SEC is ready to launch its own sports network like the Big 10 and Mountain West.

The conference has been tight lipped about negotiations taking place now with network officials. It's believed that CBS and ESPN are both very interested in retaining their relationship with the premier conference in the country. 

And why wouldn't they?

The SEC has produced the last two national champions in football, two of the last three men's basketball champions and the last two women's basketball champions. The conference knows it's a sellers market and they expect to cash in.

How would a new conference network affect football?  It would likely mean the SEC would move away from its deal with Raycom Sports to carry the early Saturday game. The conference would never jeopardize its deal with the big boys - CBS and ESPN.  There's simply too much money on the table and too much exposure to ever give a conference network a marquee game of the week.

The other benefits are obvious.  There would be more football coverage in the fall, including coaching shows, weekly previews and SEC produced programs.  Can you say Dave Neil all the time?  It would also give the conference a venue to showcase non-revenue sports like softball, swimming, gymnastics and soccer.

So what's the downside? One word: Exposure.

The Big 10 has struggled mightily with cable providers since launching last year.  These specialty channels tend to be expensive for cable companies and they often choose to ignore them. The Big 10 Network was unattainable for most conference viewers last year. The vast majority of cable companies didn't carry it.  Those that did placed it with a high-end sports package that required more money from subscribers each month.

Big 10 fans were the big losers. Last year, Michigan and Appalachian State opened the season on the Big 10 Network. What was expected to be a blowout turned into perhaps the biggest upset in college football history. Most Wolverine fans listened on the radio - which is hindsight probably wasn't so bad.  But you get my point.

The SEC will face the same issues and more.  Because much of the South remains rural, there are viewers who will lose out if the SEC creates its own network.  Many cable companies simply will not have the type of customers who will support it. As hard as it is to believe, there are still many fans that rely on over-the-air broadcasts using antennas to receive coverage - estimates range anywhere from 10 to 15 percent.

In the end it will come down to money and a new network would bring big time cash.  It's a tough position to be in, but also a damn good one.  Personally, I hope the SEC pulls the trigger and goes for it.  Don't forget, if your cable company doesn't play, there's always satellite.

Uga VI was 87-27 while walking the Bulldog sidelines.

By Jay Coulter
jccoulter@gmail.com

We send condolences to the Bulldog Nation this morning over the loss of Uga VI, the Georgia mascot who served so proudly for the past nine years. Uga passed away on Friday from heart failure. There's been times during the fall that I've wanted to put my hobnail boot in his ass, but let's not forget that he's one of the things that makes college football great. The sight of that English bulldog let you know that it was time for SEC football.

Uga will be buried today in a private ceremony at Sanford Stadium. Perhaps Georgia Athletic Director Damon Evans put it best when he said, "Uga VI was a damn good mascot and a damn good dog." That he was.

There are a couple of significant changes taking place in the world of Auburn blogging this week. When you think about sports blogging, there are really two kinds: those covered by newspaper beat writers and those written by fans.

Two of the best newspaper-sponsored Auburn blogs are leaving us. Phillip Marshall of The Huntsville Times is leaving the paper after a nearly 40 year newspaper career. In addition to writing for the paper, he put together one of the best football blogs in the country. I can still remember being a young college newspaper writer in the 1980's and watching Marshall spar with Coach Dye over a story. There were times when I thought Dye was going to come out of his chair and kill Phillip. It was great stuff.

Marshall is going to work for ESPN and launching a new site called, Auburn Undercover.  It will be similar to the Rivals.com and Scout.com sites that exist now. In the beginning it will be free, but will later switch to a pay site. The new site launches tomorrow.

Christa Turner of The Columbus Ledger-Enquirer is also leaving her blog, TurnerLoose.  She has accepted a new position with The Anniston Star.  For my money, she's among the best in the business when it comes to covering Auburn sports. The Columbus, Georgia paper has gone through some pretty significant changes in recent months, so I was not surprised to see her go.

She will be missed.  Let's hope the Anniston paper finds a way to let her continue her Auburn coverage.

Hat Tip To Paul 

By War Eagle Atlanta
glg68@aol.com

Quick! Of the eleven conferences that make up the Bowl Subdivision in college football, (God, what was soooo wrong with calling it Division 1-A???) how many actually have a conference championship game (CCG) in place? Okay, bad question. Most of you probably can't even name the six conferences that make up the BCS. Anyone? Okay, only five do--the SEC, ACC, Big 12, MAC, and Conf-USA--and you probably only care about three of them. That means that six conferences don't, and as SEC fans, you have to wonder why they missed the party.

I mean after all, we pioneered this concept in 1992 when we added two more teams to get to the requisite twelve that NCAA regulations said was necessary to split into two divisions and fight it out in a one game playoff. Seems to have worked well for us so far, cementing the SEC as the top football conference in the land, as if we weren't already.

But with all the glitz and glamour that a CCG brings, it makes you wonder why some of the other major conferences haven't jumped into the fray yet. Certainly conferences like the Big 10(11) and Pac 10 have been playing together in their present versions for a few decades, so how hard could it be to draft an additional team or two and get dragged into the 21st century with the rest of us? Maybe those two conferences want to continue on with their suicide pact until the bitter end--they seem really content to be obstructionists to the status quo with almost everything that comes down the football pike lately.

The Pac-10 put a band-aid on it three years ago by moving to a 9-game conference schedule, with each team in the conference playing every other one, but they are still afraid to crown a single champ based on head-to-head competition (they had co-champs the first two years) The Big 10(11) has been oh-so-close for over a decade with the fine addition of Penn State, but they don't seem interested in finding a 12th and doing it right. Of course, the biggest criticism of both conferences is them lacking a CCG so that their teams avoid that last shot of getting eaten by their own that we here in the south affectionately know as life in the SEC.

But for the Big East, their biggest problem isn't drafting additional schools, but holding on to the ones they currently have. They can't afford another defection like they had four years ago, with VA Tech, Miami, and Boston College going over to the ACC. But regardless of whether or not the conference in question is actively pursuing a CCG, college football is growing up, and these times are a' changing. Soon, all the 1-A are going to have CCG's, and it isn't going to be a result of pride or playoffs, but because of money--TV money.

I make no secret of the fact that I believe the road to an eventual playoff involving conference champions starts with all major conferences playing a CCG. But since that scenario will not happen for a long time, I see something new on the horizon that's going to shape the CFB landscape quite dramatically--conferences having their own TV networks. It's an idea who's time is already here, but it hasn't had the right conference to make it fly yet.

The Big 10 (11) originally proposed the idea of their own TV network a few years ago, but they've been unable to sell it to cable retailers for the price they originally wanted. But with some recent break-throughs with Comcast, it looks like that it MAY finally come to fruition this fall. Actually, with the Big Ten Network grounded until further notice, it looks like the Mountain West will be the first conference to actually get their network on the air. Not that anyone in our region will much care, but it's certainly good for those fans out west.

Would or should the SEC try and come out with it's own network? It's certainly possible, and with all major conference TV contracts for the big conferences coming up for renewal BEFORE the next BCS contract, some key players could forge out on their own in an attempt to trail blaze for the rest of CFB, and in the process, grab as much of the TV pie for themselves as possible.

Tim Stephens of the Orlando Sentinel had a great column recently, proposing that the SEC attempt what amounts to a hostile takeover of CFB by launching their own TV network, a la the Big 10, et al. Although it's half tongue-in-cheek, he makes some excellent points about what would be paramount for the SEC to gain as large a TV market range as possible--principly drafting Texas and Texas A&M into the conference in order to sew up the Texas marketshare. Yes, the SEC would consider going above and beyond the 12 horses already in the stable in order to create the first of the latter day super-conferences.

It's an idea who's time is coming. Even the MAC is actively considering adding a 13th and 14th team, no doubt in order to carve themselves a bigger market should conference TV networks become the new 21st century equivalent of a Land-Grab for CFB. Why would the SEC want to do it, especially considering the already generous nature of the CBS and ESPN coverage? Certainly there are pros and cons with every scenario, but one you have to account for is exposure to the rest of the country.

Certainly it doesn't hurt with pollsters to see the SEC playing on ESPN virtually every Saturday night in the fall, nor catching them on CBS during the afternoons. Taking all your marbles and going home with your own TV network may leave a sour taste with those on the outside looking in, and with MNCs still being decided in large part by public opinion, that's a sleight our teams can't afford to risk.

Although a CFB traditionalist, I see the writing on the wall. I think the SEC takes a really close look at it, and although they may not jump into the breach the first go-around, I think that eventually they do. And all the other dominoes fall after them. The die will be cast once two or more of the major conferences start to ink their own separate deals, and all conferences will be forced to follow suit and establish their share of the new CFB frontier--the TV market-- soon thereafter. It may get somewhat cut-throat, and it'll be interesting to see where the chips fall, but I think that CFB will finally get the clout of previously-unheard of TV revenue and will enable the conferences to better start calling their own shots.

The crown jewel of the Birmingham Olympic movement.

By Jay Coulter
jccoulter@gmail.com

I had every intention of leading today with the arrest of Alabama linebacker Jimmy Johns. But these things have gotten so old hat lately.  Does a month go by now that an Alabama player is not arrested for something? Tuscaloosa and Compton grow more and more similar by the day.

This story is much more entertaining. The first time I read about it, I honestly thought it was a joke, maybe something appearing on The Onion.  By now you've probably heard, Birmingham is going after the 2020 Summer Olympics. Yeah, those Olympics - as in NBC Sports, Bob Costas and athletes competing in real sports arenas.

In what has to amount to political suicide, Birmingham Mayor Larry Langford said the city would aggressively go after the games. OK, I can't write this without laughing my ass off.  Is this guy serious?

Speaking to the Birmingham City Council, Langford produced a 257-page manual that details how to apply for the games and possible venues to hold the events. Here's the kicker: the application fee is $500,000. Do you realize that Alabama could recruit two Albert Means caliber players for that kind of money?

Here's the quote of the day: "We're the only ones who have difficulty recognizing our own potential," the mayor said.

Larry, I've got to level with you.  There's nobody on earth that sees that kind of potential in Birmingham. Hosting the Papa John's Bowl in front of 25,000 fans is hardly a precursor for landing the Olympic Games.  Make it stop.

Can you see the world converge on refurbished Legion Field?  I can just picture IOC Chairman Jacques Rogge standing outside the Tide-Tiger with a Pabst Blue Ribbon in one hand and a Swisher Sweet in the other.

Picture driving toward the stadium and seeing neighborhood parking attendants decked out with colorful shirts, each representing a foreign country.  "Park here, 20 dollars or 25 Euros. You can piss in our bushes for free with paid parking."

Once the Opening Ceremonies start, you'll hear Bear Bryant's booming voice say, "I ain't nothin but a winner." The rednecks, which won't have tickets, will go crazy outside the stadium and begin firing their shotguns. Sweet Home Alabama will be heard on cassettes all around Legion Field.

To cap things off, Paul Bryant Jr. will take the Olympic torch handoff from Kenny Stabler, who for some reason is not too sure-footed tonight, and will light the Olympic cauldron that is shaped like a houndstooth hat.

Meanwhile, former five-star Alabama football recruits will sell crack and crystal meth out of their trunks to our visitors from around the world.

Let the games begin.